If I could go back in time to my 24 year old self, this is what I would tell her:
1. Find a few relationship mentors. You appear to be a Christian, and it may help you to know that this is strongly encouraged in the Bible, for older women to mentor to the younger ones. This mentor should have a healthy marriage, ideally for over 10+ years, and be a woman whose values reflect yours. Ideally, another mentor should be aware of how men think and act. This person may be a trusted male in your family, or social group: one who is in no position to want to date you.
2. Pay attention to your boundaries, both mental and physical. People try each other's boundaries all of the time, and it doesn't make them evil or bad, just human. There are several books on communication, dating and relationships that you can read (try Amazon for suggestions.) If you are deeply committed to your Christian values and would prefer a courtship model that reflects that, try reading Focus On the Family's "Girls Guide to Marriage" and the equivalent one for guys. I don't endorse anything else on that site, but the Guides are very well written.
3. You do not have to have a physically intimate relationship until you are ready to do so. That might mean marriage for you, or it might not. At your age, there are guys who are also not ready for sex, but do want girlfriends. Or they are ready, but are willing to wait for a committed relationship. There will also be guys who want a sexual relationship, and they're not wrong for wanting it, just as you are not wrong for not wanting it. The best relationships are where two people are on the same page with each other. Not "the best people", but "the best relationships". I think if you focus on creating a healthy dynamic, it allows you to see guys as potential team-mates, not potential enemies. You mention not wanting to fall for their BS, but reflect that to them, you may also be projecting some BS: meaning - just because you don't want something, doesn't make it bad in general, or them bad people. It's just bad for you, and they can feel the same way.
4. You sound anxious, and this is also normal for you at this state. Relationships can be indimidating, and there's nothing wrong with you for FEELING this way. But how you ACT is a different story, and it may not be in your best interests at this point to remove yourself from dating altogether.
5. Because you're still getting your bearings, date casually: no sex, maybe even in groups. Pretend you are Marcia Brady. This allows you to be more comfortable with men in potentially non-platonic settings, without the pressure of having to determine if a particular guy fits all your requirements. You know what is causal for your heart, and keep your interactions well on the safe side of this. Do this a lot. The more you interact with these guys casually, the more comfortable you will feel entering a relationship with more weight. Even having guy friends (whom you respect) helps.
6. I personally do not think you should dating a man in his late 30's-40's. Either he's less mature than he should be (so nearer your level of maturity than his) and this precludes him from being a good match. Or he is as mature as he should be for his age (far more mature than you) and now you have to vet if the power and maturity imbalance is being used to both of your advantages, or just his. It can be done, but I think it's best done with women who are very confident about their relationship skills (so they feel like a peer to the older man) or who don't want to be the peer to the older man (want someone more dominant, and who will lead them.)
7. Your activities do not seem to allow you to interact with a wide variety of people. I suggest that you pick one activity, that you enjoy, but that is also very social. If you are anxious, you need to have your fears challenged by reality, and so you need to interact with a lot of people, but in a low stress way. Activities that can help this may include a physical sport, like running, cycling, hiking, dancing, or a special interest group, like politics, or volunteering.
8. It might help to talk to a counselor to allay your concerns about healthy relationships. Not because there is something wrong with you, but because they can direct you to the tools that people use in sustaining healthy relaionships. That can be helpful if you have not seen that modeled in your experiences.
9. Continue to develop your inner and outer self. As you do so, you will increase the number of men who are interested in you, and this allows you a bigger pool to fish in, and ups your chances of finding a good match for you.
10. Regarding BW's attractiveness. There are some men who will just not be attracted to you. Just like there are some men who do not attract you. Few people are attracted to 100% of their preferred gender, and attraction is so quixotic, that it's not always helpful to worry about it.
Instead, learn about how to recognize when someone is attracted to you. Again, there are books on flirting and dating, and these will give you a sense of what people generally do when they are interested in each other. I'll add this final point about how you can't attract love if you don't love yourself first.
I want to reframe this, because people used to say it to me, and it was incredibly unhelpful: when you want love, and think you can't get it, then it's hard to feel good about yourself. If you're told that you can't get love because you don't feel good about yourself, then it's like there's no way to win, and it's very easy to give up when you feel you can't win.
Also, because you really do not know what in a person's heart. There are total esteem wrecks out there, who manage to treat people well, and attract love. Finally, the initial part of attract happens well forward of getting to know someone's heart and soul.
So I'd like to reframe this for you: when you don't feel good about yourself, it wears down your stamina for dating. It's a drain on your psyche, and it can make you act in desperate ways, or fail to act when someone expresses an interest. Self-doubt (an emotion) can, IF UNCHECKED, can lead to self-sabotage (an action.) However, overweening confidence can also lead to self-sabotage.
Try to develop a positive outlook about yourself, but remember that it's how you act towards others, and how you present yourself to them that will engage them. Most people are simply too self-focused, and too incapable of reading another person's inner mind to judge you the way you judge yourself.
Your dating confidence will grow as you get the kind of feedback you want, and IMO, and in my experience, that didn't happen until I let myself 1) fail and 2) get out there. How I felt about myself did not have a direct influence. Only how I acted.
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